Grown & Sexy Spring Breakin'

Welcome to The Enthusiast, the newsletter that's all yum, no yuck! Every week I share five(ish) things I'm loving, from the latest in pop culture to seemingly random esoteric ephemera–all personally vetted and highly recommended by yours truly.

Well hi, babes! I know it’s been a couple of weeks, but I’ve had quite a bit going on. Mainly: I started a new job! And then I went on vacation for a week! So you know I was stressed and anxious pretty much until we landed in the Dominican Republic last Saturday, and well into our first day at the resort when I realized I had booked the wrong room (ALWAYS read the room descriptions carefully!).

Truly, this vacation had everything: French cuisine, round-trip travelers' diarrhea, tiny speedboats that were go-karts on water, awkward sunburns, booty model influencers, feral cats, and legions of Europeans in really interesting resortwear. Yes, we went to another Club Med location (they’ve got me now—I have POINTS) in Punta Cana, and here are just a few of the things that made this week just the getaway we’d been needing.

Adult-Only Spaces in Family Resorts

I love your kids, I just don't want to hang out with them the whole time

Okay, I know this can be a touchy subject, for people with kids and without. But I must confess, having an adult-only “Zen Oasis” pool & bar at this resort was a game-changer. Don’t get me wrong, I think kids should and need to be in public social situations so as not to become school shooters when they hit puberty, but I also don’t think kids need to be anywhere and everywhere, all the time, with no exception.

We spent several many hours chilling at the Zen Oasis bar just reading, taking little dips, and basically achieving said state of zen. It was good to know we weren’t the only childfree folks at the resort, and there were guests of all ages, nationalities, ethnicities, and even some workaholics who needed their laptops thrown in the pool enjoying the calm. Since Club Med is leaning hard into being an affordable, family-friendly resort brand, it’s nice to get that little nod to those of us grown-ups who just want to lounge and chill.

Snorkeling

I should have done this decades ago!

Y’all. Y’ALL! Why didn’t anyone tell me snorkeling is fucking amazing?!? How did I not do this sooner?! We ventured out into the ocean with an amazing guide to a  reef teeming with life in lovely clear waters. I’ve always been a swimmer and fan of the ocean in general, but somehow in 38+ years, I never got a chance to hover over a school of yellow-striped fish interrupted by a few speckled blowfish passing through. My spouse saw a baby ray of some sort AND a cranky octopus, but it was his first time snorkeling too, and it was just so damn cool to get to do it together. My dream of getting scuba-certified and becoming an actual mermaid continues to crystallize into reality.

Getting to Know Your Bartender

It's well worth it.

When you’re at an “all-inclusive” resort, it’s easy to stumble to the nearest bar and order an absurd drink as an array of bartenders watch on in bemusement or annoyance (sometimes both), each with the same general drink recipes on hand. But if you want stronger/better/more creative drinks, do yourself a favor and find a bartender who makes your drinks the way you like and stick with them.

Our man Fritznel (Dominican names are the best) at the Indigo Lounge Bar had a heavy hand with the good, aged rum in my spouse’s Diet Coke Cuba Libres and my frozen Coladas and Daquiris, so we kept going back to him. He was warm and friendly, and by our last night, he had our drinks memorized and helped us first when the bar was busy. I think too often we don’t pay close enough attention to who really takes care of us on these extremely privileged trips abroad. These experiences don’t just happen by magic—they’re the result of hard work from bartenders, servers, housekeeping, chefs, lifeguards, and hundreds of staff who make our relaxation and enjoyment a reality. The absolute least we can do is get to know them (and tip well whenever possible).

Not Sounding Like a Complete Dumbass

Seriously, just learn some phrases. Especially food and drink.

That said, it's also extremely simple to learn a few key phrases in the main language of the country where you’re staying. And it doesn’t even require a dedicated Duolingo practice—just pop some frequent phrases into Google Translate, listen and practice a few times, and go. I couldn’t help but cringe at other Americans at the resort (and it let's be real, it was just Americans) struggle with basic drink orders. My spouse handled most of the Spanish, but I picked up a bit and was able to order my drinks and make requests confidently by the end of the week.

I took care of the French and got the compliment/challenge of some hosts thinking I was actually fluent, speeding into conversations I could not keep up after initial pleasantries. But even then, I got the feeling they appreciated the effort. This  happened to me 20 years ago when I studied abroad in Japan—I would try my measly few phrases out with native speakers who would smile and respond in kind before shifting to perfect English. There’s just no excuse anymore to not give it the old college try, and it's also extremely worth it.

BWI Crabcakes

Specifically at the Flying Dog Tap Room

My fellow land-locked inland Midwesterners, we must come to terms with the fact that most restaurant crab cakes are terrible: they’re often mostly fillers and deeply under-seasoned, and you already know that crab is not as fresh as it could be. Literally, the only place I will eat crab cakes anymore is in Baltimore, and to date, I’ve only ever had them at the Baltimore, Dulles, or Reagan International Airports. I’m so spoiled by how much better the crab cakes are in this specific region that I can’t get one locally that even comes remotely close to how delicious I know they can and should be.

One of these days, we’re going to actually go out into Baltimore proper and just go HAM on all the crab cakes and crab-related dishes we can find. In the meantime, my dad makes the best inland crab cakes I’ve had to date, so I can get a fix every now and then. But seriously, we opted to layover at BWI instead of Midway expressly so we could have crab cake sandwiches at the Flying Dog Taphouse in Terminal A. You will not regret it, but you will be spoiled for eternity afterwards.

Care for Dessert?

• 🍦 THIS IS NOT A DRILL: ICE CREAM IS GOOD FOR YOU! And of course, scientists don't want us to know anything about it.
  
• 👩🏽‍❤️‍👨🏽  Will they? WILL THEY? Season 2 of Abbott Elementary wrapped up even better than the first, and thought we Janine and Gregory (Janigory? Grenine?) stans are legion and literally desperate for them to become a couple on the show, showrunner Quinta Brunson & Co. are keeping it as real as it can be, which is a strong creative decision to make in a culture driven by quick dopamine hits and parasocial relationships with fictional characters. They’re not wrong, and they clearly know what they’re doing, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
  
• 🧴 Actual Skincare Addiction: I have a family history of hoarding and other compulsive disorders, and I can 100% confirm that a skincare “hobby” can turn very quickly into a shopping addiction, a black hole for debt, and the makings of a hoard very quickly. It took me realizing I spent six mortgage payments on stuff I barely used before it expired or gave me a rash, to get it together and stop buying every new product as soon as it dropped. I didn't buy ANY new beauty products for the first three months of this year, and I’m getting right back on that starting Monday–my skin AND my wallet appreciated the break.
  
• 😡 This is on you, Ohio: Listen, I know I’m represented by three of the most worthless, shitty politicians that ever parachuted their carpetbagging asses into the Bluegrass (whom I have never once voted for btw), but at least my state didn’t elect JD Fucking Vance to senate. This loser could have just been a creepy capitalist Catholic conservative lapdog who claims Middletown is “Appalachia” (LOLOLOLOL), but no: Ohio just had to go and give his sychophantic ass an actual modicum of power. Anyway, here’s a great, extremely thorough breakdown of his bullshit.

That's all for this edition of The Enthusiast! Thank you for reading and if you're not already a subscriber, you should sign up (it's free!). Be sure confirm via email link to receive new posts directly in your Inbox.

We'll get back to regularly-scheduled posts this weekend, but until then, sit with the fact that (ALLEGEDLY) publishing a book won't make you happy, learn more about my current favorite actor in action these days, and enjoy this 110 year-old prediction from a Kansas newspaper:

In love & sunburns,
LKH